Our government understood, before many, that America is altering all its trade relationships. Putting tariffs on its closest allies and charging for access to its vast market.

I’m not sure how vast American markets will be as we become more and more impoverished with each generation, but go off king.

In recent weeks, we made important progress toward improving Canada’s position as having the best deal in the world with the U.S. However, that progress has not been enough to meet our objectives for Canadians. As a result, this evening, I have decided to suspend trade negotiations with the U.S. and have directed Canada’s negotiators to return to Ottawa. They have worked hard, in good faith, to defend the interests of Canadians throughout these negotiations up until the very last minute. However, last-minute changes in the U.S. proposed terms were unfair, uneconomic, and called into question the reliability of any deal.

No cap. Go on.

At midnight tonight, the U.S. intends to impose a 50% tariff on roughly $28 billion of Canadian goods. Canada will match those tariffs dollar for dollar to protect our workers and businesses. In the coming days, the government will introduce additional measures to support Canadian workers and businesses, building on the nearly $25 billion in support provided over the past 18 months.

Canada! FUCK YEAH. Coming again to save the motherfucking day yeah! As an American, it gives me hope to see other countries refusing to play ball with Trump. I’m happy for you Canada.

I thought this might be a post about poutine or something.